Attraction

Do “birds of a feather flock together” (i.e., similarity) or do “opposites attract” (i.e., complementarity)?

Our research and others have provided initial evidence for these intriguing patterns:

a) There is consistent evidence for couple similarity but little for complementarity. However, similarity comes in an apparent hierarchy with strong similarity in demographic variables and attitudes, moderate similarity in values, intelligence, interests, and mental well-being, but weak similarity in physical and personality characteristics (see Luo, 2017 for a review).

Unresolved questions- why such a hierarchy? Is it due to active choice or is it a passive product of other processes such as market operation, social homogamy, or convergence?

b) Before getting involved in a relationship, people tend to report preferences for wanting the partner to be similar to them in personality, and they tend to be more attracted to others with similar personality. Once in a relationship, there is little evidence that couples are similar on personality domains, at least in the western cultures.

Unresolved questions: personality similarity, though maybe preferable and attractive, doesn’t seem to be a necessity when people select their partner. What are the deal-makers and deal-breakers for partner selection? How is the partner decision made?

c) While Western research tends to show weak to no personality similarity in couples, initial evidence suggests that couples in Eastern Asia share considerable similarity in personality.

Unresolved questions: this pattern awaits more replication. If replicated, it begs the question of why? What is the role of culture in partner selection?

d) Although there is consistent evidence for couple similarity, this similarity plays little role in relationship satisfaction.

Unresolved questions: Why? Could it be that couples with little similarity didn’t make it very far? What is exactly the role of couple similarity in relationship development and maintenance?